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Yeah, thought that’d get your attention.

Anyway, WHAT UP. I’m pornshopgirl, or PSG. I’m a twentysomething sex-positive (look it up) female, and I work at a shop in a town on the globe. That shop sells porn and sex toys.

Naturally, I get some pretty strange characters walking in to make some preeettyyyy interesting purchases. Here’s where you get to read about them. GET EXCITED, YA’LL.

Before we get to the good shit, let’s set some ground rules, yeah?

1. Put the haterade back in the fridge, yo. That means play nice in the comments- be civil to fellow commenters; be civil to me; I’ll be civil to all you pervs. Don’t be a dickbag, and we won’t have any problems. Any comments of such a nature will be deleted immediately.

2. Though I’m an atheist, I’m pulling out the Bible for this one (that’s right, heathens can do it too!): Judge not lest ye be judged. This goes for both family and friends that I invite to read this, along with whoever else shows up. Before you go on a tirade about me working in a sick place or that I support people who diddle kids or that all my customers should be locked up, think about this: you all got here because two people somewhere did the nasty. Danced the horizontal tango. Made the beast with two backs. Simply put, somebody fucked someone else and you happened. It’s natural, and as long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, it’s normal. That’s what being sex-positive means: I firmly believe that sex, as long as it is safe, sane, and consensual, should not be taboo, that it should be an open topic, and that all abstinence-only education should be replaced with safer sex education. This means before you all make a comment, think for a second. Think about those fuzzy handcuffs in your nightstand, that dildo the size of your forearm under the bed, the gallon-size bucket of warming lube (oh yeah. they sell them in GALLON BUCKETS. I shit you not.) in the closet–don’t you even lie, you know those are all there. Each and every one of you. That’s all I ask- think before you comment. I might swear more than a fucking sailor. I’ll bag up your vibrating cockring with a smile and ask if you’ll be needing any batteries today. I’ll candidly talk about sex and buttholes and every inappropriate thing you can imagine like it’s part  of an average conversation: “I had a grilled cheese for lunch. And I sold a fat trucker a stripper pole and a Fleshlight, he was cool.” And you know what? It’s all my choice, so if you’ve got an issue, get to steppin’, because I don’t want to hear your whining.

Cool? Cool.

Start watching this page for everything you’ve all been waiting for, the good dirty stuff that follows the “Ya want fries wit dat?” equivalent for adult stores…

Would you like lube with that?

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7 Comments

  1. Good idea. I’ll be waiting on the future posts.
    BTW, I know the boy version of this idea: http://www.talesfromthepornstore.com. (found him on EdenFantasys). The guy is awesome! It might be crazy brilliant if you two do something together in the future 🙂 Good luck!

  2. So, is there a employee or family of the employee discount?

  3. Mandie, you’re the coolest person I’ve ever known. I will so be following this.

  4. omg you work in a porn store! You must be a total ho-bag. And YOU CAN’T USE THE BIBLE IF YOU’RE NOT RELIGIOUS OMG….

    lol I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THIS.

    ❤ ❤ ❤ Bethhhhh

  5. You live one interesting life!

  6. When I worked at a toy store, we always asked, “Would you like batteries with that?”

    • We’re supposed to suggestive-sell anything that can possibly be paired with the products we’re ringing up, so we actually vary it depending on the purchases. For example, if someone’s purchasing toys, we suggest batteries, lube, or toy cleaner. Purchasing DVDs or magazines, we suggest lube, condoms, or supplement pills. We’re such good little worker drones 🙂


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