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I get a LOT of people asking me how I could possibly enjoy working at a porn store.  They ask to hear about the weirdest customers and then ask, “Good god, how can you stand it there?”

Easy: it’s the customers you DON’T ask about that are the awesome ones.

At least once a shift, I’ll get an open-minded couple walking in whose eyes honestly light up at all the fun new stuff they’re looking to bring into their sex lives, or a pair of friends who, comfortable enough with each other to go into detail about their sex lives, will excitedly discuss the pros and cons of rabbit vibrators. These are the customers who, when I ask “Hi there, can I help you find anything?” will shout “YES!” and spend the next hour or so testing various toys, debating flavored lubes, and having an all-around great time. This is one of my two favorite types of customer.

My other favorite type: the customer that walks in nervously, peeking around the shelves, looking completely clueless. When I ask if they need help, they immediately start to blush and stammer out some semblance of “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for…this is my first time in a porn shop/I’ve never bought a sex toy before/I’m getting married soon and I’m a virgin/the lack of sex is ruining our marriage…what would you recommend?” I delight in helping out these customers, for various reasons.

First off, while I’m sure PLENTY of people would disagree with me for various reasons, most of which I can respect, I can’t stand abstinence-only sex education.  The only things it teaches are that premarital sex is wrong and that those who engage in it are dirty dirty sinners.  Let’s get one thing straight: safe, sane, and consensual sex is NEVER wrong.  It’s one of the most primal instincts humans have, why try and lock that down? Sex is natural and healthy. I can understand those who wait until marriage for religious or personal reasons, and I completely respect that, as long as they can respect and understand that everyone is not the same. What works best for you probably won’t work for someone else.

Stemming off that, I can think of a TON of things that could be taught in sex ed that are completely ignored within abstinence-only education:

What should I expect for my first time? How can I protect myself? What do I do if the condom breaks, or my protection otherwise fails during the act? My period’s late and I’m a virgin, what’s going on? My penis curves a little to the left, what’s wrong? Where can my partner and I get tested for STIs? I want to stay a virgin but still experience pleasure, is that even possible? I’ve never had an orgasm with my partner, what’s wrong with me? And the biggest question of all- I like _____, am I weird?

The answer: NO! Not weird at all, and honestly? There’s probably a whole lot of people who are into that, too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if we carry movies featuring this or that fetish, answered “Yeah, we have lots actually!” and gotten the relieved response, “Oh thank god, I thought there was something wrong with me.”

A lot people think my job is all about selling tokens to pervs who are just looking to get their jollies off, but it’s honestly not. Probably half of my customers are perfectly normal and just looking for something a little extra, and that’s perfectly fine.

That’s why I love those customers. I love being able to help someone find exactly what they need and see them walk out with a smile on their face and a swing in their step.

There are tons of people, both at the porn store and in my personal life, who have asked me questions about sex, gotten an answer and said “Oh my god, thank you SO. MUCH.  This has been bugging me for a long time and I didn’t know who to ask about it.”

As a result, I’ve made a Formspring account:  http://www.formspring.me/pornshopgirl

You can ask questions anonymously about anything at all, be it stuff you’re interested in regarding the porn shop or a sex ed question.  No judging, no jeering, just a straightforward answer. Ask away!

And just to let you all know, no, this blog isn’t going to change into a constant tirade about sex issues.  Just know that every once in a while, there’ll be something to read that doesn’t focus on creeps and weirdos. Let me know what you think, and what you want to read about!

That being said, check back in a couple days to hear about the biggest creeper who’s ever set foot in the store.

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2 Comments

  1. you are probably the most helpful person EVER with sex stuff. hands down.

  2. you should let your friends know when you are scheduled so they can come in and bother you. kthxbai


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