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SUP, BITCHES? Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. Shit’s been slow at the store, and the crazies have been keeping it down to a dull roar. Lame.

Halloween, however, was pretty fun. It wasn’t horribly busy, but we did get a few people come in to buy dildos for their costumes. I got two Brett Favres, and one couple going as John and Lorena Bobbitt. Remember them? She chopped his dick off while he slept, and then he did porn after. Classy!

I also got a lot of drunk dudes asking if we had any five-dollar porn deals.  No, we do not. If you’re not willing to pay at least twenty bucks for porn, go back to your mom’s basement and use her credit card once your dial-up internet finally connects.

Halfway through the night, a ‘good ol’ boy’ couple walked in. Husband and wife who look like they live in a trailer and yell about “hatin’ the guvmint’ while waving around a shotgun because you drove by and ‘was eyeballin’ my land’. Those types. They walked around looking at stuff for a while, then came up to make their purchases. The husband noticed the gay movie we have sitting on the counter and sparked the following conversation with me while the wife browsed:


Joe Dirt: to his wife, “Heh, I’m surprised Johnny didn’t pick this up yesterday!” to me, “My son, he’s queer as a three-dollar bill. He was in here yesterday, he told us.”

PSG: Awesome, now he’s going to rant about how his son’s an evil sinner. “Oh?”

Joe Dirt: “Yeah, he come home swinging’ that black bag around, all “Pop, look what I got!” One of them bigass dildos, with a suction cup on it. I say to him, “What’s that for, hands-free shower fun?”

PSG: Overshare. Awkward. “Haha, yeah, that’s mostly what those are intended for.”

Joe Dirt: “Yeah, took us awhile to get used to, him being gay. But you know, to each his own, and all that. We love him just the same.”

PSG: Awww! “Wow, he’s lucky to have such open-minded parents!”

Joe Dirt: “Yup, we got over it.” Spots the Viagra knock-offs next to the movie. “Hey! Are these dick pills?”


I was quite pleasantly surprised. That’s what I get for judging a book by it’s cover. It’s nice to have your faith in humanity restored every once in a while…


…until you go to check that the cock cave is empty for the night, and find a Subway sandwich wrapper with dirty napkins and condom wrappers on it.  “Eat fresh”, my ass.


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