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Category Archives: let’s talk about sex bay-bee

I mentioned awhile back that I have a Formspring account (http://www.formspring.me/pornshopgirl). There’s a couple questions I got there that are worth expanding further on here.

Q: “I get off more when I’m playing with my clit with a vibrator than when I’m having sex with my boyfriend. He thinks I am  no longer attracted to him when really it’s that I am discovering a new part of my sexuality and anatomy. How can I make him understand?”

Lady, you are not alone in the LEAST. I see entirely too many couples walking in, the woman looking irritated with her husband, and the man looking surly as hell. I ring them up, asking if they need lube or toy cleaner or whatnot, and the man immediately says “No. Don’t even see why she needs this stupid fuckin’ thing, if I’m here.” This is a common occurrence. Dudes? CHILL THE FUCK OUT. First off, anatomy lesson: if a woman’s clitoris is more than a few mere millimeters from her vagina, chances are, she’ll have difficulty getting off from straight P-in-the-V sex alone. By all means, not all women are like this- everyone’s different- but many women are. Men, you’re not inadequate and she’s not replacing you with a robotic dick. Women, there’s nothing wrong with you and there is no shame in needing a little help when you’re gettin’ your groove on. A lot of people fail to see that for many, sex and masturbation are two VERY different things. Sex is more about connecting with another person on the most intimate level possible. Masturbation is purely about getting off. It’s not selfish, it’s not sinful, and you’re not gonna grow hairy palms- it’s normal and natural. As I said, everyone is different- sex might be just about getting off, for lots of people. That’s okay too, whatever tickles your pickle or makes your clam jam.

There’s an easy way to solve the man’s jealousy and the woman’s guilt- look for stimulation you can enjoy together. There are incredibly simple techniques- just using your partner’s fingers and a little lube- or there are any number of toys that can be used together. Vibrating cockrings are fantastic for this purpose: the ring can keep Tarzan’s vine a-swingin’ a little stronger and longer, and the vibrations will give Jane’s jungle a thrill. There’s also many very small bullet vibrators that women can use on themselves during sex.  There are so many ways that can keep all parties happy; it’s just a matter of finding one that suits you. And by all means, don’t feel like you have to stop masturbating. That’s entirely healthy, and if your man (or woman!) can’t handle it, show them the door.

Next question!

Q: What’s the best advice about sex you’ve received? Worst?

I forget who gave me the best advice, but it’s the best all the same: waiting for marriage isn’t necessary, but you should wait for someone who cares deeply about you. As with EVERY sex situation, what’s good for one might be crap for another. I know several people who lost it during one-night-stands they never saw again, and they’re perfectly happy with that. That’s TOTALLY fine. From what I can tell, lots of people, while they look forward to it immensely, are scared shitless to do the dirty for the first time. You’re a lot more likely to enjoy things if you’re feeling safe with someone you care about, who you know for sure won’t sneak out the back door while you’re in the shower. The same goes for when the going gets rough- if your protection fails and a bun starts baking in the oven, or you get a little itch downstairs, do you really want the added stress of trying to track down Mr/Ms Right Now? I’m of the opinion that you don’t have to be hitched to get down to business, but being comfortable with the person is a must.

The worst advice? From every women’s magazine ever- faking an orgasm is okay. NEVER NEVER NEVER FAKE IT. That’s a horrible base for a sexual relationship. Think about it: if you fake it, your partner assumes that what they were doing will get you off. They keep doing it during sex, you keep faking it, and you get no sexual relief. That’s got frustration, lies, tension, and explosion written all over it- and not the good kind of explosion, either.  Like with the first question, there’s no shame in not having an orgasm. The destination is fun, but the journey there can be a hell of a time, too.

On a further note, if you’re waiting for marriage- for either religious, safety, or whatever reasons- high fives to you, seriously! Don’t be pressured into doing anything you’re not comfortable with, and kudos to your likely Herculean efforts of restraining your libido.

Got a question? Ask pornshopgirl:

http://www.formspring.me/pornshopgirl

I get a LOT of people asking me how I could possibly enjoy working at a porn store.  They ask to hear about the weirdest customers and then ask, “Good god, how can you stand it there?”

Easy: it’s the customers you DON’T ask about that are the awesome ones.

At least once a shift, I’ll get an open-minded couple walking in whose eyes honestly light up at all the fun new stuff they’re looking to bring into their sex lives, or a pair of friends who, comfortable enough with each other to go into detail about their sex lives, will excitedly discuss the pros and cons of rabbit vibrators. These are the customers who, when I ask “Hi there, can I help you find anything?” will shout “YES!” and spend the next hour or so testing various toys, debating flavored lubes, and having an all-around great time. This is one of my two favorite types of customer.

My other favorite type: the customer that walks in nervously, peeking around the shelves, looking completely clueless. When I ask if they need help, they immediately start to blush and stammer out some semblance of “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for…this is my first time in a porn shop/I’ve never bought a sex toy before/I’m getting married soon and I’m a virgin/the lack of sex is ruining our marriage…what would you recommend?” I delight in helping out these customers, for various reasons.

First off, while I’m sure PLENTY of people would disagree with me for various reasons, most of which I can respect, I can’t stand abstinence-only sex education.  The only things it teaches are that premarital sex is wrong and that those who engage in it are dirty dirty sinners.  Let’s get one thing straight: safe, sane, and consensual sex is NEVER wrong.  It’s one of the most primal instincts humans have, why try and lock that down? Sex is natural and healthy. I can understand those who wait until marriage for religious or personal reasons, and I completely respect that, as long as they can respect and understand that everyone is not the same. What works best for you probably won’t work for someone else.

Stemming off that, I can think of a TON of things that could be taught in sex ed that are completely ignored within abstinence-only education:

What should I expect for my first time? How can I protect myself? What do I do if the condom breaks, or my protection otherwise fails during the act? My period’s late and I’m a virgin, what’s going on? My penis curves a little to the left, what’s wrong? Where can my partner and I get tested for STIs? I want to stay a virgin but still experience pleasure, is that even possible? I’ve never had an orgasm with my partner, what’s wrong with me? And the biggest question of all- I like _____, am I weird?

The answer: NO! Not weird at all, and honestly? There’s probably a whole lot of people who are into that, too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if we carry movies featuring this or that fetish, answered “Yeah, we have lots actually!” and gotten the relieved response, “Oh thank god, I thought there was something wrong with me.”

A lot people think my job is all about selling tokens to pervs who are just looking to get their jollies off, but it’s honestly not. Probably half of my customers are perfectly normal and just looking for something a little extra, and that’s perfectly fine.

That’s why I love those customers. I love being able to help someone find exactly what they need and see them walk out with a smile on their face and a swing in their step.

There are tons of people, both at the porn store and in my personal life, who have asked me questions about sex, gotten an answer and said “Oh my god, thank you SO. MUCH.  This has been bugging me for a long time and I didn’t know who to ask about it.”

As a result, I’ve made a Formspring account:  http://www.formspring.me/pornshopgirl

You can ask questions anonymously about anything at all, be it stuff you’re interested in regarding the porn shop or a sex ed question.  No judging, no jeering, just a straightforward answer. Ask away!

And just to let you all know, no, this blog isn’t going to change into a constant tirade about sex issues.  Just know that every once in a while, there’ll be something to read that doesn’t focus on creeps and weirdos. Let me know what you think, and what you want to read about!

That being said, check back in a couple days to hear about the biggest creeper who’s ever set foot in the store.